Badmouthing

We've all been through this phase in our life. Over and over, repeatedly. Someone does something that you don't like, or you just dislike their appearance, personality or attitude. You think to yourself, why is xx like that? Why can't xx do it better. And then you meet your good friend(s) that you may or may not trust enough, and you share such thoughts to them. More often than not, they'll agree with you.

But do they really agree with you 100%?

When I was younger, I had no qualms gossiping about others or badmouthing someone that I didn't like. Pulling others into disliking the same person with me. Or sometimes get pulled in by others. When I think back about it, I do feel quite guilty.

Up till before I graduated from secondary school, that naive me went around thinking that everyone was nice and I was reasonably well-liked by everyone. Not liked as in I was popular, but enough to have close friends I'd share secrets with. And occasionally talk with people outside of my clique. I thought it wasn't a big deal to occasionally 'talk bad' about people. Until one day when I was having a talk with my close friends that I discovered someone actually disliked me for a really trivial reason. That I was 'slow'. Slow in my movements, my actions. I do admit it, but it's not like I could help it. I have heard myself being called slow and to do things faster but to be disliked because of it? It's really ridiculous thinking about it now. I remember feeling quite shocked and hurt once the reality sank in. I probably started thinking twice about my words after that.

I guess people really don't learn until they have experienced it themselves.

That particular person was someone I thought quite friendly towards me too. There were bad rumours going around about her in class, but I never believed it until then. That's when I learned that people can be really two-faced too. 

Sure, I do still badmouth people in certain situations like in group projects. However, I do make a conscious effort to keep my mouth shut when someone badmouths others to me.

Because, how would that person being badmouthed feel after discovering it? Discords would arise and that person would start to dislike you simply because she/he discovered it. Isn't it worse if it's your friend, close friend, best friend??

I do get caught in situations when I have to listen to someone talking about my friend's bad points. And really, sometimes I do agree in my mind with what they said. But then again, I don't see the need to talk about stuff behind their backs. I really would prefer to tell them straight in the face. And I would prefer others to tell me that way too.

What's the point of talking behind their backs when they never know it. It could be something really trivial or a misunderstanding that could be resolved if you just told them. I mean, why forgo a chance at letting things between you guys change for the better?

Of course, it's never easy talking to someone about their bad points. I have done it before, but it's never easy each time. I think of hundreds of bad outcomes that could happen after telling. Still, I'm glad I did it after each time. When you tell it directly to the person you're unhappy with, there's no further reason to be mad and talk behind peoples' backs.

After saying so much, I'm sure it is still hard for anybody to stop talking behind people's backs. However, before you even start, put yourself in others' shoes. Think about how they would feel. If you aren't the one doing it. at least don't add on by joining in. You never know if others would tell on you. People can be two-faced at any point in time.