Pain pain go away

Haven't been feeling well recently, be it physically, emotionally or psychologically. I strained my muscles during dance and I suppose that was the last straw on my body, which led to several other pain spots appearing on other parts of my legs. That was when I sought treatment for the first time after 5 and a half years. I went to a TCM clinic which is located really near Marsiling station. Heard it's pretty good and I think so too. They normally have long queues on the weekends and you definitely have to make an appointment before going or else there's no guarantee that there'll be any Chinese physician available.


The first time I went, I was hurting in several spots. It hurt enough when I did normal walking or was just sitting but when I went for the treatment? I cried. Literally. Not gonna lie. I do take pride in my pain tolerance after all. So for me to cry? It definitely hurt a whole hell damn lot of it. I basically cried throughout that 30 minutes session. That was when I actually realised that my body is in a VERY bad shape.


Oh of course, before I got my muscles strained I did feel pain in areas here and there, but I ignored it, thinking 'oh, it's no big deal, it'll go away it a few days or just heal by itself'. APPARENTLY NOT.


After that first session I simply resented myself a lot. Why didn't I take more notice? Why did I just leave my pain to be? Oh god, my ignorance. So I spent the next few days rather depressed. I couldn't walk a lot, so I had to take buses more than usual. There goes my money-saving plan. And I could only walk slowly. Or else it would hurt. Even then, it still hurt. And sometimes I would suddenly feel a sharp pain and mentally cursed or mouthed those curse words silently.


Huh, as if that wasn't enough, the arch of my foot collapsed a little - resulting in more of a flat foot. Just when I thought my right leg didn't have a lot of problems huh. Rrright. I guess it's punishment for ignoring all those countless pain symptoms I felt. I really am sinking further into despair and basically have no mood to do anything at all.


I spent the first 2 weeks while receiving treatment awfully, and many worst case scenarios appeared in my mind. I really am grateful, thankful and happy for all the concerns and encouragements I have received. But those from my family are the worst. 'Cause it makes me feel bad as hell. I should've taken proper care of my body when I was in good shape and it's my responsibility to identify anything wrong with my body. I seriously feel damn sorry towards them. I'm still worrying them over such matters. Seriously, I wish I could just take this all upon myself. For example, paying for my own treatment. Huh, but I know they probably wouldn't let me. That makes me feel all the more worse 'cause their money is used to treat my injuries that sprouted from my ignorance. I am so pissed with myself. Every time I feel pain, I curse a little.


My left leg's now a whole lot better after 3 sessions but I'm probably still going back for my right leg this time. So there. Till next time. Thanks for reading my depressed thoughts and sorry if they made you feel the same. But seriously, if you feel ANY PAIN on ANY PART of your body, better go consult a doc. quickly. Go for whatever scans or x-rays or whatever that is required reassure you your body is fine or to find out the early symptoms of something. Don't EVER let it drag on like me. If it's left for too long, there may be no way to treat it and may lead to further complications when you grow older.